Its December again. I can't help but reflect back to what things were like for me last December. Things had ended a while ago, and I had taken it all so well up until then. I'd like to think I was experiencing the post-traumatic stress of a breakup. I guess the realization of everything didn't hit me until later on. I still remember the shuddering, heart stopping, hollow feeling I would have. I'm going to stop trying to explain it because it feels quite unexplainable. Heartbreak comes in different forms. I tried very hard not to let it get to me, so I became a recluse. Played Skyrim a lot as slaying dragons was a better alternative to facing society. Lost my appetite and lost a lot of weight. Which was actually pretty nice.
Looking back, I do feel slightly silly. Why I would let someone who is so inadequate, someone who is a liar and a cheater, bring me down. My only regret is not ending things sooner than I had.
This year its much different. Much happier. I breathe again. I no longer let another be the determining factor of my happiness. Which is the way things should be. I was suppose to start my new job but training has been pushed back till January. Which is nice because it means I really do get a holiday, but also not so nice because I don't have any major things planned out, and it also means I won't be making any money to pay for the holidays.
|Happiness is.. doubling the fluffy.|
The downside to happiness (I'm being sarcastic, theres no downside to happiness) however is my abundance in appetite and much higher difficulty in losing weight. I wish I could do a repeat performance of my Skyrim diet, but I don't really think its the best way to go. However I've made a goal to try and remain active in the winter and prepare to look good in a hot number for my birthday. We'll see how that spans out.
I have no big expectations for this month or for Christmas. I just want to do well on my finals, spend time with my friends and family, lose weight, and of course spend many hours on the couch in my pjs gaming. Be good to me December.